Phantom Niche

Dear Myself,

Look at you. I can tell you’re so down right now as always. You have been like that for these past nineteen years. Haven’t you gotten tired of yourself already? I suppose that’s how you really are. More than anyone else, I’m the only one who knows you that much. Your inspirations, your sophistications, your miseries, your suppressed happiness, your wickedness – I’m your sole comfort and confidant for all of them.

But, for this once, I beg of your apology ‘coz I’ll be treacherous. I know you’ll despise a part of me after this but you should be considerate ‘coz I am bound of doing this task. I know how much you really hate it when somebody talks about you but there’s no other way to work things out. So, from here on, I’m gonna set off to end this traumatic blog.

I know there’s no point in predicting who you’ll be in the future and talking trashes about you past ‘coz you believe that everything happens just the way it is and who you are now makes up both of them. Though, you believe that what you are now is not who you really are inside. I can say this is the reason why you fail. You don’t fail ‘coz you can’t do any better; you fail ‘coz you intended to. (I hope, someday, you’ll be able to do things the way you wanted it to be.)

But still, I’m proud of you. You really got amazing goals. (I guess they’re that amazing for both of us.) To what age may it become possible, you are confident that you’ll live in Europe (in Italy or in England, perhaps) and see Vatican city for yourself then visit Harry Potter. Part of your goals, too, is to pass Quezon city first and meet 6cyclemind; then, go to California to rock My Chemical Romance and babysit Bandit Lee Way for a week. But, beyond those, you really got this ultimate goal in life – that is, to create your very own mangakas out of those dreams you had when you were seventeen and dreams that you’ll possibly have in the years to come.   

I am also proud of you ‘coz, even if you dreamed of living in Europe, you still love your motherland. I can clearly remember how you drew on your notebook the floor plan of your desired mansion that you planned to put up on a hill in Bogo city.

Before I end this blog, I’ll disclose a certain part of you that even your family don’t understand. You’re the type who isn’t interested in getting married nor being in a relationship. You despise being with a partner and you even dislike watching movies and animes with genre of pure-love-story. In short, you’re asexual. However, you still love and that love is only reserved for your family and friends. You really like yourself that way.

I bet, with this shocking revelation, others will finally understand you. Somehow. I know you really have a hard time expressing yourself to others. So, I guess you should thank me for this great favor.

Lovingly,

Your Alter Ego

P.S.

Dear myself, please remember every details (especially your goals) that I have written about you in this blog ‘coz all of these make up the whole of you. Be reminded that wherever you go and whenever you may be, you are still you and nothing will change about you as long as I am inside you. Though, this time I happen to betray you, but I will still stay by your side and be your sole confidant.