Which is which? (What would I really be?)

Choosing between things I really wanted to do (or what I am really good at, I suppose) and things I am bound to do (or things which I did not wish to do at first) is very hard. I guess many people have been into this kind of dilemma, too.

But, the mere thought of choosing is already a pain in the ass – more when each weighs the same, though at different aspects. It’s like deciding whether to spend a lump sum to refurbish a mansion passed on from ancestors or to buy a brand new condo to live on. Both have advantages and disadvantages on the traditional and practical outlook, though.

It was when I step in college that choosing turned into a tight spot. My interests and not-supposed interests got mixed up. I wanted to study B.S. Accountancy but I ended up studying the simulation and programming of computers. Actually, I don’t have the pursuit on dealing with computers. Circumstances only brought me into this field.

What baffled me lately was the fact that the study I am into now offers lots of opportunities and probably breakthroughs. Rationality is slapping me straightly while my heart eagerly tells me to listen to her. I still have an option, though. But, am I really for banking or for technologies?

Aside from that, there is also this intense craving inside of me – to be an artist. Yes, I do really love sketching a lot of things and it makes my heart jumps whenever I expressed myself through it. Such fun and bliss would I feel whenever I do so.

Honestly, I have dreamed – and still dreaming on this very moment – to be a mangaka. Yes, I even already reserved my very own stories and characters for this dream. This inflamed more when I learned that my ever so notorious favorite band (My Chemical Romance) members are comic book artists. I do hope that I would turn out like them. So successful.

Up until now, discerning what I will become after ten years or so is hazy. I do not know. I might become somebody who I, or perhaps my family, would never expect me to become. I might end up the least I could be. Or perhaps, I might find myself in a quiet corner. Whatever it may be, I’ll gladly accept my fate. For sure, when that day comes, I’m mature enough to handle everything.